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09 May 2008 @ 03:00 am
No, that's not actually a question. Just a bad translation.

so today was... out of the ordinary. No. Scratch that. It was a day of life.

Protested my way out of going to school, later went for a 4 hour 'walk because obviously, I can't be trusted to fucking leave my house, and with in this brief time, I found out one of my friends will be bed ridden until approximately fall due to an abcess from severe infection on his leg and he has to move in with his mom in the mean time, then someone I thought was my friend tried to rape someone I care about and got their ass kicked out of the 'commune,  ----- pray they don't try to retaliate! Oh no!

There's some real shit in life.

And then I fuckin' went to Value Village and bought some shoes. I wish I knew where those shoes ended up because they were  very cute.

To top things off, I started talking to someone I swore had simply dropped off the face of the planet because obviously he deleted my number so he didn't know who it was that was sending him stupid texts so HAH.
Seriously though, you can't just "decide you no longer know a person", especially when you hung out with them practically everyday for a summer.  That takes a certain type of person. A shit person.

Haven't decided how I feel about this all- these are all just facts, stated with no personal attachment.

I feel I might add I miss having like, a super good memory.
Klonopin=shit for memory.

You might as well just carry around a video camera every day.
You might as well take shots every day.

Might as well job well done.

15 March 2008 @ 02:01 pm
Sort of. I recently remembered that I had an LJ and was suddenly inspired to you know, write about useless shit in my life. But that was last night, and now it's morning and my motivation has gone away a little- Ehh It's just too time consuming : But then again I have nothing else to do at present than try to navigate these pages and perhaps leave a trace of my consciousness in digital form- ouch.

I re-read all of my entries, something that's actually amusing if you've forgotten about them- Oh, I was a strange kid alright. Still am. :P But damn, I could be incredibly dramatic about anything and everything. Who knows if I'm a little better at that now- I know for a fact I'm capable of boring people to death with PHIL-O-SOPHIEZ, but usually that's entirely the fault of the other person for even engaging in deep conversation with me. Dammit.

I'd been spending a lot of time sitting and thinking lately, always sitting in the same place and staring at the same light fixture (and then when you look away you see spots), all because of the aftermath of an incident that happened what feels like a long time ago. It didn't even happen to me, but I've felt like I might as well been under house arrest, or similarly "Bay-arrest".
But whatever. Everyone's over it now.
Which coincides with the melting of ICE AGE '08.
Thank you divine presence.
So hopefully everyone, my self included, just starts to feel better about life in general now that we've seen the sun for the first time in 1,634,358 years. It's an interesting phenomenon how I just  do more with my time  when I'm not depressed. Even though I'm spending a whole lot less time at my house to myself, I'm drawing more and also I've begun to actually watch movies I've intended to for ages. Thursday I watched Trainspotting, and last night I put on Party Monster at 2:30 or so.
Hmmm.. and that's what's up.
Current Location: Reality
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: The Presets- Girl and the Sea
08 February 2007 @ 01:15 am
What the hell am I doing?
Good question.
I don't really know the answer.
06 February 2007 @ 11:03 pm
What do I look like to you?
And when the dust settles, you can finally see clearly.
And then you see the last things you wanted to.
Glancing back at your life, you stop to pick out the things that you cared for, the things that mattered.

I think you may be surprised at what you find.
And I'm not angry, nor sad.
I feel nothing now. It's hard to express with words without backing out.
And I can't tell if this is much deeper, or more superficial than personal.

It's so easy to say and do things-

-but I'm afraid it appears I've forgotten how to care.
Oh wow. I've just examined some old sentiments of mine:

"Like a kite, yes?
Not at all.
Wind is my pawn.

It just goes to show how much stone really knows.
Oh wait, it doesn't know anything."
Oh! look at this one!:

"Fine then.

Untouched and crisp as cut, the white stacks of perforation were laid beside the edge and wood.

I rest my case.

But just don't say I never tried.

This is an epilogue in advance."
Gosh, I can be awfully redundant.  I mean, seriously, that's just sad.
I've said that before, haven't I?

And here I am again. Because I know.

Because I'm regretting things that haven't even happened yet.

Nothing has changed.
That's what I keep telling myself.

But I have.

What made me think what I wanted to say was important?
I'm not.
In the long run, no one can ever say I haven't tried.

And I'm not talking about what you probably think I am.

This is an apology in advance.
-For the simple reason that I don't think anyone ever reads this. :P

-This actually works to my advantage- doubt and negativity aren't the sort of things I prefer to put on open display. (And yet I post them online where a perfect stranger could read them, so go figure). :P

-I do like writing as if I'm addressing a large mass of uninterested people, here to browse at their leisure. It makes me feel
just that more important :P

-Maybe someday LJ will become really popular all of the sudden and people I know will all get them and then there will a point in me having this. :P

-Or maybe it won't. And then I'll go on writing turgid prose that do a half-hearted job at narrating parts of my life. :P
Who knows if I can trust myself. After all, nothing has changed.  It's just like I said- we're right back where we started. And someday I'll know if I made the right decision. And you know what- even if I didn't, do you think it would matter all that much? ^_^ 
I'm still not sure if I hate or love people. Maybe I love them because I know we're all two faced, selfish, dead on the inside- you name it. ^_^
Maybe it's something else I love.
Smileys often help to add the dimension of sarcasm I've grow so fond of using when I speak to my writing. :P
Current Location: In a glass house
Current Mood: drunkI think... nevermind.
Current Music: Radiohead
24 January 2007 @ 04:28 pm
Because I'm not quite brave enough to speak or even form coherent sentences. I just don't like being wrong.
Somewhere along the way, I got this idea that maybe the world seems like a much better place when everyone likes each other.
I wouldn't really know, but it must be true. After all, that's what everyone wants.

So who am I to judge- it's not like we're any different.
I just don't think you realize how lucky you are.
Current Mood: blankguess.
Current Music: Thief Deadly Shadows
14 January 2007 @ 12:06 am
Hm. It's been a while, for the same reasons as ever.

I just finished taking a series of pictures. Now comes the fun part- choosing the best of them and figuring out some unique way of arranging them. Doesn't sound too promising. >.>

And I think I just got gold nail polish in my water. Eww.

Speaking of eww I'm totally not looking forward to the next two or so weeks. Midterms just might take up more of my time than Zelda, if that's possible.
Current Location: Robespierre, France
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: DAI- Rakuen
27 October 2006 @ 11:22 pm
Sometimes, things happen exactly as we think they should. And then, we sit and try and figure out what went wrong.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Endless Hallway - Grey Flats
18 October 2006 @ 10:11 pm
Jeffery wins.
Fucking CHEATER.

So now I sit and finish my art project. Woo, do I have a long way to go...
Current Location: The Sadist Nation
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: Darkest Hour - With A Thousand Words To Say But One